Your heart, spirit, intuition–whatever you want to call it will always know something isn’t right long before our minds will accept that concept. Some people call it “that small still voice.” I call it that higher part of me that like an eagle flies far above the circumstances and can see with clarity what is, and what lies ahead. My mind, however, will often become the trap that keeps me mired down in situations my spirit wants to get out of or be free from…yet I stay.
Why?? Fear? Yes. Self doubt? Yes. Feeling like a failure if I walk away? Yes. Are those feelings real? Yes. But where do they come from? They come from that part of me that wants to make sense out of everything–that part that says there has to be a logical order so that the outcome that is produced is also logical. And how do I feel while in the midst of that process? Miserable, defeated, trapped and hopeless. Miserable to stay, afraid to leave. Not a particularly meaningful way to exist…certainly not fulfilled, excited or content.
I know I’m headed into that vacuum when I see less and less color in my life…everything begins to lose the sparkle of life and turns into a monochromatic monotony. It’s easy to make a glowing list of all the reasons it would be beneficial to extricate myself from the situation, and it’s just as easy to make an ongoing list of all the things that would make removing myself complicated, or at least uncomfortable.
When things have been set into motion to get you to remove yourself, there is no arguing with the outcome. Remaining stationary in those situations, really comes down to one basic emotion for me….fear. Fear of the unknown is a completely controlling emotion until I make the decision to not be controlled any longer. As soon as I begin to move in the direction to do something about it; as soon as I put something into motion; as soon as I make a declaration that this, too, will change….BOOM!!! the universe hears me and doors will begin to open. And I wonder why it took so long to make the change.
It reminds me of a story I’ve heard many times (and every time been able to see it applies to me). A man stands on the edge of a cliff–the voice in his head telling him to take that leap of faith. And he asks, “But, what if I fall?” The voice answers, “But my dear…what if you fly?”
At some point in the life of every sparrow, every hawk, every eagle, there came a time where they were faced with taking that leap out of the nest. Without it, they would never fly, but by taking it, they learn how to soar. I guess I just answered my own question.